2009-10 Football Season: Best of…
The football season may be over but Tim Tebow, Nick Saban, Lane Kiffin, Michael Vick, and Captain Mike will live with us forever.
Full transcript below:
Captain Mike:
- Yeah that's right. We're gonna whup their butts today. That's right.
Tennessee fan:
- Lane Kiffin. New blood. New blood in Tennessee.
Florida fan:
- He (Tim Tebow) circumcises little Filipino boys in a completely charitable way.
Dan Sheldon:
- This is a pretty good way to pay the bills though, isn't it?
Pizza Delivery guy:
- Not really. This s--- is barely sustainable.
Utah Ute fan:
- What you need to do is take a picture of the bathroom.
Dan Sheldon:
- The only blue on the magic bus is inside the restroom.
Utah Ute:
- Good bye. (Flushes toilet)
Varsity Club waitress:
- I don't know how he's going to drink it easily. He's going to spill it all over.
Dan Sheldon:
- Are you due?
Big Nut (Ohio State Buckeyes fan):
- Are we due? Look at this. Am I due baby, c'mon? You're talking to the Big Nut now!
Buckeye Necklace merchant:
- Get your Buckeye Necklace on today. On 3rd down, you want them to get a first down so you rub it. Hey, man!
Passing Fan (to merchant):
- Rub your nuts!
Merchant:
- Here!
Passing Fan:
- Woo Hoo!
Merchant:
- That's 25 cents I just threw away.
(Fried Butter at the Texas State Fair.)
Dan Sheldon:
- What's it taste like?
Fried Butter Eater:
- Awesomeness actually. It's really good.
LSU fan:
- When it's a night game in there, you can smell the whiskey on the field. It's great.
Dan Sheldon:
- Should the players really be drinking before the game if you can smell the whiskey on the field?
LSU fan (who thinks I'm being serious):
- No, the players can smell the whiskey from the fans.
Dan Sheldon:
- Ohhhhh. From the fans.
Virginia Tech fan:
- My mohawk got more swagger than them 'Canes today. It's a hurricane warning in Blacksburg. Wooooo!
Alexander Petraroli:
- If you lose any combination of two limbs, you die. Or if you get hit in the body, you die.
Joel Pagett, Florida Gator hockey coach (pre-game speech to team in dressing room):
- First things first. Georgia got here late, number one. Georgia just got their a-- whupped, number two. And number three, we're going to f--- them up tonight.
Georgia Tech fans:
- What's the good word? To hell with Georgia. What's the good word? To hell with Georgia.
Dan Sheldon:
- It is engineering.
Georgia Tech fan:
- It's clean, old fashioned hate.
Georgia fan:
- They call it clean, old fashioned hate.
Georgia Tech fan:
- I hate red and I hate anything... like I don't even eat red apples.
Georgia fan:
- I've gotten a lot of crap from all of the Tech fans I've seen.
Georgia Tech fan:
- Hate is a strong word and that's why I hate Georgia.
Alabama fan:
- I gotta tell ya, there ain't nothing like whipping up on Tennessee.
(Simulated flatulence sounds coming out of Tennessee cheerleader mannequin)
Captain Mike, Tennessee fan:
- How is an Alabama fan and a fly the same?
Dan Sheldon:
- How?
Captain Mike:
- They can both live off a dead bear for 27 years.
(Alabama fan makes elephant noise)
Jacob Summers, Alabama Crimson Tide superfan:
- They brought out somebody that neither of us likes.
(Fans booing Lane Kiffin at ESPN College GameDay set in Atlanta before SEC Championship game.)
Fan in crowd:
- Hey, don't recruit criminals next time, jackass!
Fan at Georgia Dome for Michael Vick's return with the Philadelphia Eagles:
- Man, I love Vick.
Fan of Vick:
- He did his time, man. Let him play.
Dan Sheldon (on Vick Ball T-shirts):
- Was this an attempt to finally get rid of some of the inventory that had been around?
Merchandise Store Owner:
- Europeans will be here this summer. They don't know what it is. They just want something from America.
(Seminole War Chant)
Keith Cottrell, Former FSU Punter:
- Coach Bowden built the program. There wouldn't be Florida State without him. The man can decide to step down when the man wants to step down.
FSU student:
- The guy deserves a little more respect for having been here for so long.
(Bobby Bowden makes final entrance into a stadium as Florida State head football coach at the Gator Bowl.)
Bobby Bowden:
- I'll go out and make a lot of talks now. Tell everybody how good I was.
Bobby Hauck, Montana head football coach:
- We are going to find a way to go kick their a--. We're going to come out of here with that gold trophy. We're going to get it done tomorrow night.
Dan Sheldon:
- There's one word that might be a little off.
(Sign reads: "Dear Santa, I want a playoff birth for X-Mas!)
Tennessee Titans fans:
- Which one?
Titans fan:
- This is Tennessee. We don't speak English.
Titans fans:
- No, there's no "e" in berth! Get outta here, man!
Dan Sheldon:
- There's an "e" in berth.
Titans fans:
- There's no "e" in berth.
Dan Sheldon:
- I think there might be an "e" in berth.
Dan Sheldon:
- What are you doing taking a picture in front of a plot of grass right there?
Alabama Crimson Tide fan:
- Because that's going to be for number one national champs here, Nick Saban. That's going to be where his statue is going to be right there.
Charles Barkley:
- I always tell people, the 3 saddest days of my life: the day Elvis died, the day JFK died, and the day Alabama fired Mike Shula. I was like, "Please don't fire him. Please don't fire him." He's the best coach we got at Auburn.
Nick Saban:
- This is not the end. This is the beginning.
Alabama Public Address Announcer:
- Ladies and gentlemen. This is Alabama football.
(Lane Kiffin leaves Knoxville montage)
Tennessee Volunteer fan:
- My friend I was playing ping pong with threw his ping pong paddle and started cussing and stuff. He didn't know what to do.
(Brett Favre fans in Kiln, Mississippi prior to Saints - Vikings conference title game)
Dan Sheldon:
- How are you going to reconcile throughout the course of the game with what happens?
Saints/Favre fan:
- We're going to drink, drink, drink. Welcome to Mississippi. Owwwoooo.
Alabama Crimson Tide fan:
- Put whiskey online. Because Roll Tide!
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